The Fortune Cookies are talking to me.

I have a sneaking suspicion that George, my adviser, is writing the fortunes in the fortune cookies at the chinese food place I frequent.


Here are some actual fortunes I have gotten during my time in the past year of grad school that seem a little too convenient:

• Tough times never last but tough people do
• There is no secret to success except hard work.
• In the ocean of knowledge, only those who want to learn will see the land.
• How would a fortune cookie company know I dabble in oceanography?
• "dabble" might be an understatement

Here's my idea: Grad Student Fortune Cookies
Some of it will be practical advice like:

• Try a logarithmic plot instead
• Try modeling the data
• Did you remember to add the Xylene?
• If its not kinetically hindered, then its thermodynamic
• If all else fails, get the mass-spec of it.
• Call your advisor by their first name as long as they have said to do so in prior conversations. 

Some of it will be encouragement in the form of "Just one more...":

• Just one more test and you'll be ready for quals!
• Just one more cume and you'll be on track for your first committee meeting!
• Just one more committee meeting and you'll be ready to defend!
• Just one more powerpoint presentation and you'll get your degree!

Some of it will be reminders of important things grad students commonly forget:

• Remember to eat
• Remember to sleep
• Remember to shower
• Remember to brush teeth
• Remember to study
• this one's a joke, you're always studying.

And of course some will be purely cautionary

• DON'T STRANGLE YOUR INTERN
• DON'T ASK YOUR ADVISOR "STUPID" QUESTIONS NO MATTER HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE
• I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.

Who wants in on this start-up company?
We'll call it the Future PhD Fortune Cookie Co.