Flippant Resume

David W. Chu

• Excellent at pouring.
• Experience in solving complicated problems
  and difficult people.
• Expert swimmer.
• Linked In

This is my business face.
This means its business time.

Credentials: 

• M.A. Inorganic Chemistry, University of Delaware 2012
• B.S. Chemistry, University of California, Irvine 2009
• Diploma, Mission San Jose High School 2005
• Glasses, Unremembered optometrist's office 1994(estimated)

What is this? Research Vessel for ants?!
The Research Vessel must be at least three times this big!

Skills:

• Oceanography and Chemistry instrument familiarity.
• Experience conducting research at sea on sea-going research vessels.
• Computer Hardware and Software familiarity.
• Soldering.
• Balloon-Animals
• Swimming.
• Enthusiastic Chef.
• Mediocre marksman.
• Attentive listener
• Conversational in Mandarin.
• Can operate a fire extinguisher
• Able to sleep almost anywhere
• Willing to travel.
• Understands bullet points

This picture says, "I'm playful, yet studious."

Fictional Job History*:

• Ambulance Siren Operator, 2011-present
• On the spot determination of feasibly and legality of ambulance siren operation.
• Daisy Farmer, 2010-2011
• Harvested daisies for sole purpose of enjoyment of others. 
• Pirate Ship Figurehead, 2007-2010
• Dressed in period-appropriate attire, and held sword up in threatening fashion while fastened to ship's bow.
• Menu Writer, 2005-2007
• Single-handedly changed seafood restaurant to pirate-themed restaurant by changing the entry for "Maine Course" to "Main Coarse" 

*not real jobs.